michael scott boom roasted quotes reddit

Her voice said “no, thank you”, but her sagging posture suggested otherwise. She apologized and I waved it away, asking her if she needed help. Remember when water was free and you paid for porn?Īn exhausted mother, herding three small children wearing Dora the Explorer backpacks and faces full of crumbs ran into me, her arms overloaded with diaper bags and…stuff. I’d love to say I’m environmental – and most days I am – but in this case, I’m just cheap. I walked past the airport gates to find a water fountain for my refillable bottle. I know I have to when traveling in order to function. Due to these things, I’ve managed to train myself to sleep anywhere in any situation. I’ve also given myself several concussions by landing stupidly because I’m not all there while in the ring. It is something I’ve always felt reallyhorrible about. She needed surgery with metal rods and pins to put everything back together again. My opponent jumped off the top rope and I barely caught her in time then I fell on top of her, snapping her ankle in several places. It only happened once in my fifteen year career, but it DID happen – and it was bad. I was always deathly afraid I was going to drop someone on their head if I was sleep deprived. I’ve been on crazy wrestling tours where we didn’t catch more than a few hours sleep between a show the night before and getting on the tour busthe next morning to travel seven hours to another city. If I don’t get enough sleep, I literally feel hung over nauseous, weak, foggy, and my head pounds. I’ve always wanted to be three things in life: a morning person, a black coffee drinker, and someone who can function perfectly on four hours sleep. I love my Starbucks…and not just because there are (so-called) rumors of it being laced with methamphetamines. The alluring smell of fresh brewed coffee from Starbucks was almost enough to make me brave the line that stretched around the kiosk and halfwaydown the terminal…almost.If I did that, I wouldn’t be able to get the two and a half hours of sleep on the flight I still so desperately need. You guys are the reason I went into the paper business, so, uh, goodnight, God bless, God bless America, and get home safe.The Tampa airport was frenetically busy at what I considered to be an ungodly hour of the morning. Alright everybody, you know I kid, you know I kid. Andy, Cornell called, they think you suck.

Stanley, you crush your wife during sex and your heart sucks. Angela, where’s Angela? Whoa, there you are, I didn’t see you there behind that grain of rice. Creed, your teeth called, your breath stinks. Kevin, I can’t decide between a fat joke and a dumb joke. Meredith, you’ve slept with so many guys, you’re starting to look like one. Michael: Jim, you’re 6’11 and you weigh 90 pounds. When Michael returns to the office, he has a few roasts of his own:

We’re stuck listening to you all day, Stanley tried to die just to get away, well it’s true. Andy (singing to the tune of “What I Like About You”): What I hate about you, you really suck as a boss, you’re the laziest, jerkiest, and you’re dumber than applesauce.

(Kevin yells “How small is it?”) If it were an iPod, it would be a shuffle! And one time, I walked in on him naked, and his thing is so small. He’s supporting about 20 Nigerian princesses.

Pam: Once every hour, someone is involved in an Internet scam.

You don’t have any friends or any family or any land!

Dwight: You pathetic, short little man.

Remember spider face? ‘Cause the quote was, “cut off your nose to spider face.”

Jim: Several times a day, Michael says words that are way beyond my vocabulary.

You posted a picture of my bare boobs on the bulletin board with a caption that said “Gross.” Michael, you are the reason I drink.

Meredith: Michael, you ran over me with your car.

A turtle, a fridge, anybody from the warehouse, a wood chipper, Kevin, a candle, and Lord Voldemort.

Kelly: I have made a list of people that I would make out with before I would make out with Michael Scott.

If you ever called the fire department ’cause your head was stuck in your chair you might be… Michael Scott! If you ever put sunblock on a window, you might be Michael Scott.

Angela: If you ever wondered whether you were Michael Scott, here’s a quiz to help.

Here is what each of the characters says during the roast, and what Michael says in return. In The Office Season 5 episode Stress Relief, Michael holds a roast in his honor, thinking that it will relieve stress in the office.

Michael scott boom roasted quotes reddit